Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
