He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
