They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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