I hate your face
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
