Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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