what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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