this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
