If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
