I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
