we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
