Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
