So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
