I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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