And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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