I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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