i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just found puke in my bra..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
