I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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