I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
