Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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