I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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