I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
