I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
