Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
