ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
