I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
