I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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