Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
