My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
