I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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