You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
