I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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