hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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