I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
