In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
