Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
