when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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