Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
