Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
