I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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