how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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