Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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