Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
