Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
