I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am full of burrito and curiosity
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
