i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
