i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
