Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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