There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
