More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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