I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
